I remember camping out with my dad and his buddies during deer-hunting season and encountering these kinds of men then, too. They were always the guys who had to drink the most, carry on the loudest, and make a competition out of everything, especially to see who could shoot the first buck and who got the biggest one. They were the kinds of guys you really hated hunting with, because they were terrible woodsmen and even worse companions; they were the ones who always forgot some critical camp item, and the ones who would accidentally knock your meal into the fire. Mostly, there was always the chance they were going to shoot their own fool heads off if not yours.
I later knew men like this in the working world too. It always seemed like they were also lousy fathers and husbands. They’d whack their kids and their wives, and were usually more interested in going out drinking with the guys than doing anything with their families. They were abusive and boorish louts, and they largely formed the opposite of my notion of what it meant to be a man.
In my world, these kinds of men were half-men, because masculinity was all image and show and petulance to them. Being a real man, the way I was taught by other men — in that silent way that cannot be communicated in mere words — meant being a whole man. Men like that — well, they had their moments and could be fun to be around. But you always knew they were missing something.
That last 'graf makes his opponents' point precisely, doesn't it? "Whole manhood" is communicated mostly silently from man to man --and that education cannot take place in a culture that scorns hunting and fishing and smoking cigars (activities valuable not solely but largely for the excuse to escape the company of women for awhile), bans all "dangerous" toys and sues for female admission into every club where that silent transmission of manhood can take place. I don't think anyone would make the argument that masculinity consists in cartoon machismo. The point is that a culture that prevents little boys from being exposed to any material harder than nerf, and never lets men spend time alone together, is preventing the transmission of whole manhood. Today, wherever two males wish to speak "man to man," there's a woman suing them for sexism.
Update: Jules Crittenden's surprising rejoinder:
Hey, Neiwert, you want to be a real man … try having more kids. One’s like a hobby. That’s like boutique parenthood. I’m kicking myself because we stopped at three. What was I thinking?
We love our kids. We told ourselves we were exhausted and broke. Now I wish we had more. I know she does. Major baby lust. You should have seen her with that baby the other night at the neighbors’ house. I think we’re actually pretty good at this. We’re giving our kids a good childhood. We expect them to be good citizens, and we’re doing everything we can to make that happen. So far, so good.
The people down the street had six. Lost one, it was tragic. They love their kids. They do a great job. The house is a chaotic disaster area, and they love it. What happened to people like that? I know a couple of families with four. Not too many like that any more.
