Your Nuclear-Powered Pen Pal, Mahmoud

You've got mail, you Noble American, you. It's one of those call-to-repentance-before-you-get-what's-coming-to-you letters he's so fond of. First he reviews the warm relations we've always enjoyed with Iran.

Our nation has always extended its hand of friendship to all other nations of the world.

He's too modest to point it out, but here's a picture of him extending a hand of friendship to a Noble American in 1979.

Hundreds of thousands of my Iranian compatriots are living amongst you in friendship and peace, and are contributing positively to your society. Our people have been in contact with you over the past many years and have maintained these contacts despite the unnecessary restrictions of US authorities.

Actually, I have never met an Iranian. They tend to call themselves "Persians" when they get here, pretending they don't know you, Mahmoud. Never mind that, though, we've got so much in common:

we have common concerns, face similar challenges, and are pained by the sufferings and afflictions in the world.

And a tendency to throw the term "Zionist" around:

We, like you, are aggrieved by the ever-worsening pain and misery of the Palestinian people. Persistent aggressions by the Zionists are making life more and more difficult for the rightful owners of the land of Palestine.

Knowing us so well as he does, he makes free with the advice, esp. for the Dems:

Now that you control an important branch of the US Government, you will also be held to account by the people and by history.If the US Government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and Justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America.

But if the approach remains the same, it would not be unexpected that the American people would similarly reject the new electoral winners, although the recent elections, rather than reflecting a victory, in reality point to the failure of the current administration’s policies. These issues had been extensively dealt with in my letter to President Bush earlier this year.

He's the Persian Dick Morris this guy. If Morris were also predicting the apocalypse. One last teensy-tinsy little point:

We should all heed the Divine Word of the Holy Qur’an: “But those who repent, have faith and do good may receive Salvation.